10 July 2005

sandy hooks, sandy parts

There's no way to avoid talking, thinking, or document-ing the thrills, chills, and pretty/ nasty spills of the human body while at a nude beach. Exhibit A: Super adorable photo of the lady friend her youngest sister KT inauspiciously includes the hairy torso and groin of Gunnison Beach bather. The fortuitous positioning of a mere shred of Jenny's hair prevents these two ladies from being a frame for a nude portrait of a middle aged male. Somehow the gods of the digital camera were protecting his particular privates from reaching your all-seeing eyes.

Yes, naked people were everywhere, and this next one wasn't quite as lucky. Exhibit B: Ladyfriend as Petulant Toddler. This guy on the right under the umbrella was three feet from us all afternoon with the big D (and I'm not using the modifier big in any of its less literal, more colloquial senses) hanging out. Here we see but half, and that's only for you lucky cats who can work the zoom.

Most interesting to me was the fact that vaginas were sort of invisible. They were there, sure, uncovered and most often shaved, but the penises were sooo numerous. And then the men who carried the penises were really chatty. When I stopped to check out a beached horseshoe crab or jellyfish, there they were with their exposed nethers, solitary more than clustered, offering what apocryphal knowledge they had to offer on whatever subject was at hand. I kept waiting for one of them to tell me that the way to cure a jellyfish sting is to pee on it, then commence the demonstration. I got the feeling that I was in the presence of men who might be flashers, possibly arrested and subject to jail time, but instead we got to have a civilized conversation with his desire for me (more realistically anyone) to see his penis totally out in the open.

On the whole, I believe that the beach serves as an outlet for numerous different pathologies, and have decided it seems like a pretty good idea, given the half-hearted supervision of several very straight looking lifeguards and the air of fragility that seemed to hang about the place, no one making any quick moves, and everyone extremely conscious of maintaining solid space between the naked bodies. I would have taken my top off, except for the presence of teen KT, and she, I mean, we, handled our first mass exposure to aged penis remarkably well.

5 Comments:

Blogger good golly said...

why don't you post the hot pictures of me, rather than the weird ones where i looked scrunched up and pouty.

10 July, 2005 23:25  
Blogger Body Mascot said...

I once went to a clothing optional strip pit in my native Midwestern town. (Strip pits, for those who didn't grow up in coal mining country, are basically gigantic holes blasted out of the ground that eventually get plundered for coal, abandoned, and filled with rain water. They are typically very, very deep and potentially full of dangerous things.) This particular strip pit was owned by a Gay male couple who had turned it into a Queer swimming hole. It was a private club type thing, and the men who own it are pretty much always naked. So I figure, "These men live here, and they're naked every day, and they see naked men and women every day, and other women are topless right now, why not take it all off?" How surprised was I, then, to have my clit ogled by one of the Gay male owners for a full ten minutes! What do ya reckon he was thinking?

11 July, 2005 01:18  
Blogger Who's the dourest of them all? said...

How does one signify clit-ogling?

11 July, 2005 11:00  
Blogger Ms. Pipestem said...

This post is an awesome way to begin my day. Thank you! It's perfect that the "bearers of the penises" were so "chatty."

I say the same thing to my partner, gg, who likes to post pictures of me taken when I've just woken up, or otherwise look awful I think. But really, the scrunched up pictures here are very cute. So maybe it's not really so bad as the pictured imagines.

13 July, 2005 10:42  
Blogger Body Mascot said...

Tarte, not sure how to signify anything these days, much less clit-ogling.

13 July, 2005 14:04  

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